I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
