Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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