I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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