I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
where does the pee come out of this thing
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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