anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
and eventually we just all took our pants off
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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