The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
