the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
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