better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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