she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
