i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
