There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
