why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
