9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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