Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
