Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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