then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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