dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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