Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
