"it" just moved
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
