i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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