Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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