first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
