i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
