I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
