My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Hippo gnu deer
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Randomize
