i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
