Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
