Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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