do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize