She said her name was "party"
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
