we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
