Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
