I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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