I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
