woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
