It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
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Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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