foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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