My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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