When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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