My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
