if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
