You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
