Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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