I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
