There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
