how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
