The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
