So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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