Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Randomize
