Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
