the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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