On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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