Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Do vagina's smell?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
