Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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