When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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