Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
no, he came in my armpit
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
