there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
