We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
