Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
