The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
