Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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