dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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