You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
